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Interview (by greentara)
Jun. 14th, 2003 02:46 am1) How did you discover you were poly? Bi?
The poly question is a little easier. My primary and I had been together almost four years when I first fell in lust and couldn't blow it off as just a fantasy thing...I met a girl (I can say this with all political correctness--I later found out she was underage) at a Pride event...gorgeous and came on direct and strong. I squelched my feelings for a couple of days and then confessed to primary that I had this powerful lust crush and wanted to act on it. For obvious reasons, that ended quickly and messily. However, it also made me think, "Hey, I can feel attraction/lust for more than one person and I don't feel guilty or strange about it. I need to know more about these feelings..." I was familiar with the term from college, so I just looked up "Polyamory" online and was at my first Poly Austin event a few months later.
My sexual identity has seen a lot of flux. I don't really feel comfortable with the "bi" label because I feel like I'm just barely bi, and that what the word really means (a huge spectrum of sexualities) versus what people take it to mean is a big problem for me. I attract far more men than I do women, and my attractions lie in pretty much the opposite direction. I feel that IDing as bi implies 50/50 or more-hetero-than-not to most people, and that sucks, but until IDing as bi can read to most people as "Possibly off-limits, one way or the other" as opposed to "All right! Hot threesomes!" I feel like it doesn't describe me. It's very rare that I'm physically attracted to a man enough to act on it---rare enough that I'm still a hetero-definition "virgin" at 30. I feel that it is more accurately telling of what my reaction to others is and will be to say that I'm a lesbian. I do remember using the word "lesbian" like a big "Stop chasing me, boys!" shield when I first came out to myself. Hope at least some of that made sense.
2) What are your professional aspirations?
I want to be a wife and mommy. I do. I want to be a stay at home parent and homemaker and homeschooler. I guess the biggest "career" goal I have is homeschool-related...as part of my evil plan to protect as many children from public schooling as humanly possible, I want to form a homeschooling/unschooling umbrella school and resource center. To this end, I'm building an extensive library, looking to get a masters' in Montessori education and reading up as much as possible about progressive education.
But...I want to live in a big poly household with many loves and children, and cook and keep house and such. I want it with all my being.
3) What celebrity do people tell you you look like?
I look like no one. My sister, who I don't look like, has been told she resembles Gladys Knight. Many white people tell me I look like some chick who used to be on All My Children. I've seen her. IMO, it means that we're around the same skin tone and that's about it. And once someone thought I looked like Chaka Khan. I'm still not very sure what that was about.
4) What role has romantic love played in your life?
I'm not too sure how to answer this one...for a long time I felt that I had no worth if someone wasn't in love with me. I stayed in a lot of empty, meaningless relationships because I saw it as self-validation at the time. I have had much healthier, more fulfilling loves since then (and am still with them!) but I seem to fall in with people who have a bit of a madonna/whore thing going on and have a hard time fitting sex into a romantically loving relationship. As someone with a few hundred libidos, this gets hard to deal with. I know that I'm capable of the whole package there, and I know I can't be the only one...so I'm keeping my hopes up.
5) Where can you imagine yourself being in 10 years, if all works out as
you would ideally want it to?
Ooooooo.
I live in a house, duplex or condo in a fairly urban setting. I live there with at least two loves and possibly a young child. My loves have careers and I stay at home with the child. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, organizing, general aesthetic stuff. I have a book or two published. I occasionally sing or do some theatre, or commercial or industrial film work to bring in a bit of money. Everyone is fulfilled and contented, has as much together or alone time as s/he desires and has all the sex s/he wants.
6) What kind of people turn you on?
Mmm, women. *smirk* I don't have that much of a physical "type"...I can find all sorts of women beautiful and sexy. Knowing a woman wants me is the biggest turn on there is. There are a few physical characteristics that I tend to notice first but I have dated and been wildly attracted to plenty of women who don't have them, as well. Big sexual energy towards me is the biggest thing. Passionate, uninhibited people are goooood. I do have sort of a fetish for very pale skin, but, again, not a must. Glasses are sexy to me. I like shy women and extroverted (but not overtly conceited-big turnoff) women. A woman who knows what she wants, wants me, and knows what to do with me once she has me. :-D
The poly question is a little easier. My primary and I had been together almost four years when I first fell in lust and couldn't blow it off as just a fantasy thing...I met a girl (I can say this with all political correctness--I later found out she was underage) at a Pride event...gorgeous and came on direct and strong. I squelched my feelings for a couple of days and then confessed to primary that I had this powerful lust crush and wanted to act on it. For obvious reasons, that ended quickly and messily. However, it also made me think, "Hey, I can feel attraction/lust for more than one person and I don't feel guilty or strange about it. I need to know more about these feelings..." I was familiar with the term from college, so I just looked up "Polyamory" online and was at my first Poly Austin event a few months later.
My sexual identity has seen a lot of flux. I don't really feel comfortable with the "bi" label because I feel like I'm just barely bi, and that what the word really means (a huge spectrum of sexualities) versus what people take it to mean is a big problem for me. I attract far more men than I do women, and my attractions lie in pretty much the opposite direction. I feel that IDing as bi implies 50/50 or more-hetero-than-not to most people, and that sucks, but until IDing as bi can read to most people as "Possibly off-limits, one way or the other" as opposed to "All right! Hot threesomes!" I feel like it doesn't describe me. It's very rare that I'm physically attracted to a man enough to act on it---rare enough that I'm still a hetero-definition "virgin" at 30. I feel that it is more accurately telling of what my reaction to others is and will be to say that I'm a lesbian. I do remember using the word "lesbian" like a big "Stop chasing me, boys!" shield when I first came out to myself. Hope at least some of that made sense.
2) What are your professional aspirations?
I want to be a wife and mommy. I do. I want to be a stay at home parent and homemaker and homeschooler. I guess the biggest "career" goal I have is homeschool-related...as part of my evil plan to protect as many children from public schooling as humanly possible, I want to form a homeschooling/unschooling umbrella school and resource center. To this end, I'm building an extensive library, looking to get a masters' in Montessori education and reading up as much as possible about progressive education.
But...I want to live in a big poly household with many loves and children, and cook and keep house and such. I want it with all my being.
3) What celebrity do people tell you you look like?
I look like no one. My sister, who I don't look like, has been told she resembles Gladys Knight. Many white people tell me I look like some chick who used to be on All My Children. I've seen her. IMO, it means that we're around the same skin tone and that's about it. And once someone thought I looked like Chaka Khan. I'm still not very sure what that was about.
4) What role has romantic love played in your life?
I'm not too sure how to answer this one...for a long time I felt that I had no worth if someone wasn't in love with me. I stayed in a lot of empty, meaningless relationships because I saw it as self-validation at the time. I have had much healthier, more fulfilling loves since then (and am still with them!) but I seem to fall in with people who have a bit of a madonna/whore thing going on and have a hard time fitting sex into a romantically loving relationship. As someone with a few hundred libidos, this gets hard to deal with. I know that I'm capable of the whole package there, and I know I can't be the only one...so I'm keeping my hopes up.
5) Where can you imagine yourself being in 10 years, if all works out as
you would ideally want it to?
Ooooooo.
I live in a house, duplex or condo in a fairly urban setting. I live there with at least two loves and possibly a young child. My loves have careers and I stay at home with the child. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, organizing, general aesthetic stuff. I have a book or two published. I occasionally sing or do some theatre, or commercial or industrial film work to bring in a bit of money. Everyone is fulfilled and contented, has as much together or alone time as s/he desires and has all the sex s/he wants.
6) What kind of people turn you on?
Mmm, women. *smirk* I don't have that much of a physical "type"...I can find all sorts of women beautiful and sexy. Knowing a woman wants me is the biggest turn on there is. There are a few physical characteristics that I tend to notice first but I have dated and been wildly attracted to plenty of women who don't have them, as well. Big sexual energy towards me is the biggest thing. Passionate, uninhibited people are goooood. I do have sort of a fetish for very pale skin, but, again, not a must. Glasses are sexy to me. I like shy women and extroverted (but not overtly conceited-big turnoff) women. A woman who knows what she wants, wants me, and knows what to do with me once she has me. :-D
