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This weekend has been hard for me to put into words in a lot of ways; hence avoiding journaling until right now. This is how Saturday went: ran errands, had therapy, forgot to pick up my Poet Packet on the way to said therapy (grrr), went to the Dog & Duck for fab AIPF reading. Lots of cool poets there (and admittedly, a few people I'm a bit tired of, but to each his own). This was sort of awkward...Primary was there; as were a couple of women I'm sorta to very interested in, as well as a friend with kinda wonky social skills...I kept feeling like I didn't know who to pay how much attention to, on top of trying to respectfully listen to all the poetry. Met the PMM chick and was exceedingly nervous/self-conscious...felt like she didn't like me in person for some reason (probably my insecurity-around women baggage, but still), and she left very abruptly afterwards, so we never had a chance to really talk. Feel like she's sort of clueless about how she comes across at times. *sigh*
Think I may have jumped to a conclusion or projected my hopefulness onto someone I spent time with after, and feel sorta bad, and hope our friendship hasn't been shot because of that. There are definitely cases where I can be attracted to someone and still be friends, and this is one of them, although the attraction is damn powerful. I really really hope I haven't screwed it up.
Tried to have a romantic/fun night out with primary; ended up frustrated. Her idea of fun and my idea of fun are really painfully dissimilar. I enjoy interacting with people directly; she loathes it. She's become obsessed with looking at various people's webpages, especially artists; I really only use the computer to play music and to IM people when I don't have anyone around to talk to. I feel like most of the things she wants to do "together" require little or no interaction, and if we're having purposeful together time I want to be interacting. (Not like I need her undivided attention 24/7; I have no issue with her doing whatever she likes doing if we're just coincidentally both puttering around at home...)Still, it's somethign we've run up against a lot and it's frustrating; there have to be better ways to deal with it.
Got an "i miss you" message from sora and nothing else. Not sure what will or won't happen there.
Yesterday was fun...went shopping with dessiebaybee, who I need to make more time to hang out with.
Frustrated (yes that way) in general, but frustrated to the nth degree with the boy...I know he's busy but he really needs to get some priorities straight. He made time this weekend to hang out with his ex, who he's willing to be friends with and that's all and who definitely wants him back very badly. All well and good (if not, IMO, a bit silly) except for the fact that he made no time for me at all, didn't even answer my emails, or suggest sometime soon that we could get together if this weekend was really impossible (he is having a hellish time at work). He may just be dense but it's still pretty infuriating; I feel neglected and undervalued.
Think I may have jumped to a conclusion or projected my hopefulness onto someone I spent time with after, and feel sorta bad, and hope our friendship hasn't been shot because of that. There are definitely cases where I can be attracted to someone and still be friends, and this is one of them, although the attraction is damn powerful. I really really hope I haven't screwed it up.
Tried to have a romantic/fun night out with primary; ended up frustrated. Her idea of fun and my idea of fun are really painfully dissimilar. I enjoy interacting with people directly; she loathes it. She's become obsessed with looking at various people's webpages, especially artists; I really only use the computer to play music and to IM people when I don't have anyone around to talk to. I feel like most of the things she wants to do "together" require little or no interaction, and if we're having purposeful together time I want to be interacting. (Not like I need her undivided attention 24/7; I have no issue with her doing whatever she likes doing if we're just coincidentally both puttering around at home...)Still, it's somethign we've run up against a lot and it's frustrating; there have to be better ways to deal with it.
Got an "i miss you" message from sora and nothing else. Not sure what will or won't happen there.
Yesterday was fun...went shopping with dessiebaybee, who I need to make more time to hang out with.
Frustrated (yes that way) in general, but frustrated to the nth degree with the boy...I know he's busy but he really needs to get some priorities straight. He made time this weekend to hang out with his ex, who he's willing to be friends with and that's all and who definitely wants him back very badly. All well and good (if not, IMO, a bit silly) except for the fact that he made no time for me at all, didn't even answer my emails, or suggest sometime soon that we could get together if this weekend was really impossible (he is having a hellish time at work). He may just be dense but it's still pretty infuriating; I feel neglected and undervalued.
